why i am here.....

Hello, not sure how the blog thing works. I am just goin to write and not over think what i am putting down here. So if it ends up horrible then I guess it does. The name my crazy life... as a mom.... came from no where. Besides my life is crazy and at times so am I. My children have a way of doing that to a person. Anyways yes I am a little crazy...
Tonight I am going too tell you a bit about my cute little family. There is my hubby, my prince charming. He is everything I have ever wanted. Then there is my daughter Sierra she is 11 in 4 days, and let me tell you she is reminding everyone every chance she gets. Then there is Timothy he is 2.... Timothy has Down's syndrome. He has change all of our lives in a way no one can really explane. He opened our eyes.
Hum i wonder where I should start, should I start with just his story? I think that is where I will start.

It took us awhile too get pregnant.... I would think i was buy a test and cry when it was negitive we did this for a little over a year. (We are a blended family so we had my daughter and his son at this time both living with us durning the school year.) So a couple months after the year mark I desided it wasnt going too ever happen and i should just be happy with what we already had our family was great the way it was. So I started school, with in a couple weeks of starting school I started feel crappy.
I had come too my parents house it was the 6th of Dec 2008, I was drinking a redbull (lol) and my mother told me i should out that down and go home and take another test. I told her i was done with all that, the saddness and let down. She told me she had the wierdest dream about "finding a crystal arrow in the dessert and me and her talking about me being pregnant." how she had looked at me in the dream and said, " this baby he is our special treasure." So she had convinced me i took a test, POSITIVE!!!!!! i took another, POSTIVE!!!!! by the time i was done i had takin 5 tests..... I called my husband who was out of town and working nights so he was asleep when i called... No answer damn it call again, and again, and again..... HE answered on the 10th call... "I am preganat!!!" We talked for a few mins. about silly things his fist words too me was "yay more diapers" lol . So the months go on we see ultra sounds of our baby boy..... We get offered an Ammnio but get told it could cause misscarriage and we werent in any kinda of "high risk" zone so it wasnt important that we get it..... yet again some more months go on...... finaly on July 23rd of 2009 we went in too see if his lung were develpoed enough for him too be born C-section (due too thats how my daughter was born) they find that there was no fluid left so they had too take he that day....YAY my son is comming into this world this perfect little boy..... My Doctor.... thats what i called him the whole time i was pregnant... little did we know what was going too happen in the hours and days too come....
So there i am strapped too the bed a big blue sheet blocking my veiw of my son coming out of me.
My husband by my side, in his surgical scruby thingys(lol) all i can see is he's eyes,
 he looks worried.... we didnt know what was going too happen at 37 weeks his lungs could be fine or... not. So i hear the docs talking... blah blah blah.....
i hear them tell me they were taking him out.....
NO CRYING....... we wait my husbands eyes look like he isgoing too be sick....
THEN we hear OUR SONS CRY... the sound of his cry made us both cry too. They let me see him i give him a kiss oh he is the cutest baby ever!!!!!
they take the baby.... my husband stays with me... sence my mom was out waiting for our son too come out they take him too get him cleaned up.
They get my put back together... before they take me out of the OR.... they told em they took a look at the baby and the think he might have Down's syndrome..... WAIT WHAT???????
Whats that????? why would you say that????? where is my moment of just having my new baby.....?
My husband had too return too work..... So there i was alone with my mom and a few friends... i felt... scared, alone, confused, there is this little boy the more i looked at him the more i fell in love with him.... I didnt look at him and see anything wrong no matter how hard i tryed too see what the doctors saw i just saw this pefecrt baby with folded ears and my nose, and red little cheeks.... i finaly let them do the blood test.. after they told me if i was right there was nothing too worry about..... after 3 days they send us home... I was so scared at the hospital i had ppl all the time at home i was really alone with the thoughts that there could be something worng with my child. some thing i had never really heard of.... never sceen anyone with Down's never read about it.....I had NO CLUE what they were even talking about...... low small ears his ears looked like baby ears his nose..... it looked like mine..... almond shaped eyes..... umm yet again so are mine too me he just looked liek my baby..... i never saw any thing wrong with him ( and still dont, i mean i see the downs but nothing WRONG with him). So there i am day 4 after he was born hubby would be home the next day .... kids were out playing just me and Timothy..... he was sleeping.... then he looked a little blue colored...what is that... why would he..... he got more blue.... then i tryed too wake him up.....
Nothing..... I try harder i am flicking his feet rubbing his chest.... "omg is he dying?? WHAT do I do.... 9-1-1.... right i will hit call if this doesnt wake him up......" one last flick too his foot and he moved his little hands... he crys "OMG he is breathing he is ok..... what was that..". Ok pull it together i call the docs. I get him in the next morning..... There i set holding my little baby... my perfect scary little baby day 5.... the doc comes in..... "I was going too wait till his 7 day check up but sence you are having proiblems your son has downs syndrome and we think there might be something very wrong with his heart we have already made you an appointment with the ONLY pediatric heart specialist around here" ok yeah i am alone holding my perfect baby..... i realize i am sobbing...... WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we go too this doc... we talk about what all this means he was so great he explaned what down's is what we need too do and then he looked at Timothys tiny heart...... Two small holes nothing too be too worried about...... OK YAY good news....... Crap gota get hubby...... we go we meet him i tell him what is going on....... He hold me i cry and cry and cry......... where do  we go from here?????


I will continue with the story next time...... but there is a little bit about my PERFECT son...... Timothy!!!!!!! :)