So it's been a few days i guess i need too let my brain catch up on its self. LOL....
So hubby is home and we are getting everything ready for an 11 year old girls birthday party let me tell you this is a tough age when it comes too a girl.... Everything must be perfect..... and let me tell ya things in my life are NEVER "perfect"
Cake is bought and its all 60's out. Complete with a VW bug toy car on top, green and yellow and pink frosting, and peace signs all over it.
the 60 some odd hotdogs are here also, the only thing i am lacking is entertainment what do 11 year old girls do????
talk about boys :(
giggle alot
i mean what can you turn into a party game that is approprite for them too be doping out of that???
so i have desided i am sending all the kids out in the frount yard till the "party" part is over then the girls that are staying the night can play xbox......watch movies and giggle about what boys they think are "cute".
Being a mom of an almost teenage girl makes me cringe.
I know how i was at that age....
OMG so scary.....
I was a wild one even at the young age opf 11 trying too fit in ment not fitting in at all for me...
Sierra seems too be handling the pressure of fitting alot better then i ever did tho so maybe..... just maybe she will stay on course and not end up hooked on drug and pregnant by 15!!!!! maybe she will go too collage and be something wonderful.
or maybe she wont either way she is mine and i love her with all my heart and 11 years ago i found out what it was like too love someone you just met with you whole heart i found out what being a mother felt like for the first time and i also started walking that line of adult hood and childhood....
She brought me understanding for what my mom was going thru not that i changed right away it took me another few yeas too pull my head out of where the "sun doesnt shine" but thats another story for another time.
My point is 11 years ago i got the best gife a woman can ask for....
My baby girl and no matter how old she is or how much she slams the door yelling "i hate you" she will always be my baby girl... I love you Sierra even if that embarresses you!!!!
;)
Friday, January 27, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
another day down
Ok so i have told you about Timmy..... and a little bit about the stress that makes me a little crazy :)
So now where do I go with this???? I am not too sure either!! I don't even really know what my point of this is. I mean don't most blogs have a point and idea that make them? So i have told you about Timothy's issues.... With that all said I would never ever change him all that has made our family stronger.... Has made me stronger. It has made us all more understanding. He changes so much everyday he grows and learns just like any child does it just takes a little more time and patience. He has just recently learned too tease his sister. He will pout too "act like Sierra when she is mad" and then says "baby baby baby" :) she is going too have too watch it because he loves too pick on her.
Really i didn't plan on this to be all about Timothy. Its just my whole life revolves around him :) from here on out this page will be a little more about being a mom and not just Timothy's mom :)
Thank you for reading
So now where do I go with this???? I am not too sure either!! I don't even really know what my point of this is. I mean don't most blogs have a point and idea that make them? So i have told you about Timothy's issues.... With that all said I would never ever change him all that has made our family stronger.... Has made me stronger. It has made us all more understanding. He changes so much everyday he grows and learns just like any child does it just takes a little more time and patience. He has just recently learned too tease his sister. He will pout too "act like Sierra when she is mad" and then says "baby baby baby" :) she is going too have too watch it because he loves too pick on her.
Really i didn't plan on this to be all about Timothy. Its just my whole life revolves around him :) from here on out this page will be a little more about being a mom and not just Timothy's mom :)
Thank you for reading
and the story continues
Well here i am trying too play catch up this one is long and not sure how well i wrote it but if you hang in there its a big part of our story!!!!Ok so where I...... I was at what day 5? Ok sooo we have seen the heart doc and everything was good there. Pick up Hubby from work..... i was crying he was holding me telling me in his strong way that everything would be ok... So we get home we go too bed i am now giving Timothy formula becuase he wouldnt breast feed still trying but it really wasnt working.. So i feed him we go back too sleep in the middle oif the night he starts "spitting up" but it was odd it had a horrible smell and was green.... so back too the doc the next morning... "its acid reflux" says our doc. and in this same visit the doc said something that just hit me wrong she told me..." he might only be a janitor but he will be the best happiest janitor ever"
yet again "WHAT" this just made me so very upset " thats what the doc sees as my son's my perfect son's future?" so yeah i was back into tears spent that night crying and worring and holding this child as he "spit up" this "acid" so another night goes by... of midnight feeding then cloths changes and changing bedding. It was horrible.... so that was day 6. On day 7 he say an O.T for the first time... she was setting on our couch holding him when it happened..... it looked liek something out of a bad horror movie he "spit up" again but it was a projectial vomit of smell green stuff ALL over this woman..... She gets up and starts cleaning herself up..She asks if we have seen our doc i say "yes".
She calls our doc. "this is not spit up, this is bile, there is something very wrong"
we had a upper Gastro intestial study going for the next morning.... they say too just stick with that.
he keep getting worse.... not holding anything in him.... we rush him 75 miles too a different hospital just for them too end up telling us it was acid..... again!!!!! GRRRRRR
so the next morning we go in for the study.... BINGO they find it...
He had a blockage in his intestiens(sp) so we rush back down too this different hosptial.... we left at around noon by 4pm he was in surgery day 8...... hunny by my side i give my little tiny little guy over too strangers i had never met these docs. and hope and pray they know what they are doing...
the hours past i am not even sure how long we set in the smallest room in that hospital waiting... waiting...
"does it always take this long"
" is something wrong"
"what if......"
god more crying
more of my hubby being my rock and telling me everything was fine they do this all the time
"how does he know?" but i let him convence me
Finally they are done we get too see our perfect son....
he looked so small
so sick
his little tummy had a bandage over the whole thing they let us see it.....
" well at least he will have a tough guy scar" was the only thing i could say without crying....
9 days later we leave the NICU...... all better...... I take my little man back home again.... praying i get 5 mins too just love him and hold him and not freak out over another medical issue....
Well i got it I got a few months before the next issue.......
He got sent home on oxygen....
so for 4 months on oxygen...
healed great from surgery..
then we start trying too take him off the o2...
everytime we would take him off he turned blue AGAIN...
and again..
and again..
i had takin him with my too a birthday party at a lower allitude and took him off his o2 too check his stats like i was doing for days now.... "wait not blue!!!!" WHAT??? he always turns blue we wait awhile still no blue hum what could this mean...
Within a few weeks we had moved.... found a dirty place in a crappy part of town but he was off the o2... i had found our doc a great doc that new what she was talking about.... our life saver.... this woman has helped us threw soooo much and always been there too help me understand what it going on.
So the months go on.... Six months he starts rolling from side too side
eight months he sets up on his own...
a couple days before his 1st birthday he crawls...
we move back home.. back up away from the big hospital
right after his first birthday the drama started again
Ear infections were normal he had had them alot
but this one was different.... it wasnt going away...
back and forth too the docs every day
nothing after weeks of this ear draining we test it it is an anti-biotic resistant infection MRSA
after we found that out they put in back in the hosptail on a anti botic that had too go staight into a main atrery.... they couldnt get a "normal" PIC line in him so they had too put on straight into the top of his heart.... 5 days go by they send us home on these meds so i had too figure out how too give them too him and remember what i was was doin. let me tell ya this made me crazy ever 6 hrs infussing these meds into him
"OMG"
"I am not a medical trained person, how cant hey just send us home"
"how am I going too do this"
"I can't do this anymore"
i felt like a horrible mother for feeling like i couldnt help him...
I did it.... but the meds werent working the infection had made its way too the bone behind his ear the only thing too do was surgery..... he had already had ear tubes place so i wasnt too freaked out.....
they did it it went fine he started too get better kept the line in just incase
i still had too flush the line so i go too flush it one night about 10pm i feel something wet...
"babe turn on the light...."
"what the F**K is that?"
blood...... his line had broke when i flushed it snapped in half
he was pimping blood out with every heart beat..... "what do I do????"
I grab him hubby grabs the keys..... we take off i call our doc i am talking too the doc tallking too the hospital i am covered in my baby's blood i am pinching this line with my nails trying too keep any more blood from comming out
"omg he is going too bleed out"
"or we are going too crash"
my hubby is flying down the road but it feels like it is taking forever.....
we get there they fix him the best they could for us too get too the other hospital
they fix it but cant take the line out tell us too watch it close
"omg will these every stop these heart stopping moments"........
Well they have he is now 2 he is walking and taking and doing great....
we still have our moments but nothing like these i have wrote about.... when he gets a cold or anything we always panic.. wondering if it is going too turn into more. We have gohne thru this test and that they have looked for this and that but pretty much these days he is a pretty healthy normal kid.
:) so there is another piece of our story..... of Timothy's story.........
So there you have it..... there is the medical side of Timothy's story.... Now too move on next time too all the fun parts of my crazy life.......... thank you all for reading this it is really helpping me deal with the stress of it all i have been caring around for the past few years.....
VERY HEALING
yet again "WHAT" this just made me so very upset " thats what the doc sees as my son's my perfect son's future?" so yeah i was back into tears spent that night crying and worring and holding this child as he "spit up" this "acid" so another night goes by... of midnight feeding then cloths changes and changing bedding. It was horrible.... so that was day 6. On day 7 he say an O.T for the first time... she was setting on our couch holding him when it happened..... it looked liek something out of a bad horror movie he "spit up" again but it was a projectial vomit of smell green stuff ALL over this woman..... She gets up and starts cleaning herself up..She asks if we have seen our doc i say "yes".
She calls our doc. "this is not spit up, this is bile, there is something very wrong"
we had a upper Gastro intestial study going for the next morning.... they say too just stick with that.
he keep getting worse.... not holding anything in him.... we rush him 75 miles too a different hospital just for them too end up telling us it was acid..... again!!!!! GRRRRRR
so the next morning we go in for the study.... BINGO they find it...
He had a blockage in his intestiens(sp) so we rush back down too this different hosptial.... we left at around noon by 4pm he was in surgery day 8...... hunny by my side i give my little tiny little guy over too strangers i had never met these docs. and hope and pray they know what they are doing...
the hours past i am not even sure how long we set in the smallest room in that hospital waiting... waiting...
"does it always take this long"
" is something wrong"
"what if......"
god more crying
more of my hubby being my rock and telling me everything was fine they do this all the time
"how does he know?" but i let him convence me
Finally they are done we get too see our perfect son....
he looked so small
so sick
his little tummy had a bandage over the whole thing they let us see it.....
" well at least he will have a tough guy scar" was the only thing i could say without crying....
9 days later we leave the NICU...... all better...... I take my little man back home again.... praying i get 5 mins too just love him and hold him and not freak out over another medical issue....
Well i got it I got a few months before the next issue.......
He got sent home on oxygen....
so for 4 months on oxygen...
healed great from surgery..
then we start trying too take him off the o2...
everytime we would take him off he turned blue AGAIN...
and again..
and again..
i had takin him with my too a birthday party at a lower allitude and took him off his o2 too check his stats like i was doing for days now.... "wait not blue!!!!" WHAT??? he always turns blue we wait awhile still no blue hum what could this mean...
Within a few weeks we had moved.... found a dirty place in a crappy part of town but he was off the o2... i had found our doc a great doc that new what she was talking about.... our life saver.... this woman has helped us threw soooo much and always been there too help me understand what it going on.
So the months go on.... Six months he starts rolling from side too side
eight months he sets up on his own...
a couple days before his 1st birthday he crawls...
we move back home.. back up away from the big hospital
right after his first birthday the drama started again
Ear infections were normal he had had them alot
but this one was different.... it wasnt going away...
back and forth too the docs every day
nothing after weeks of this ear draining we test it it is an anti-biotic resistant infection MRSA
after we found that out they put in back in the hosptail on a anti botic that had too go staight into a main atrery.... they couldnt get a "normal" PIC line in him so they had too put on straight into the top of his heart.... 5 days go by they send us home on these meds so i had too figure out how too give them too him and remember what i was was doin. let me tell ya this made me crazy ever 6 hrs infussing these meds into him
"OMG"
"I am not a medical trained person, how cant hey just send us home"
"how am I going too do this"
"I can't do this anymore"
i felt like a horrible mother for feeling like i couldnt help him...
I did it.... but the meds werent working the infection had made its way too the bone behind his ear the only thing too do was surgery..... he had already had ear tubes place so i wasnt too freaked out.....
they did it it went fine he started too get better kept the line in just incase
i still had too flush the line so i go too flush it one night about 10pm i feel something wet...
"babe turn on the light...."
"what the F**K is that?"
blood...... his line had broke when i flushed it snapped in half
he was pimping blood out with every heart beat..... "what do I do????"
I grab him hubby grabs the keys..... we take off i call our doc i am talking too the doc tallking too the hospital i am covered in my baby's blood i am pinching this line with my nails trying too keep any more blood from comming out
"omg he is going too bleed out"
"or we are going too crash"
my hubby is flying down the road but it feels like it is taking forever.....
we get there they fix him the best they could for us too get too the other hospital
they fix it but cant take the line out tell us too watch it close
"omg will these every stop these heart stopping moments"........
Well they have he is now 2 he is walking and taking and doing great....
we still have our moments but nothing like these i have wrote about.... when he gets a cold or anything we always panic.. wondering if it is going too turn into more. We have gohne thru this test and that they have looked for this and that but pretty much these days he is a pretty healthy normal kid.
:) so there is another piece of our story..... of Timothy's story.........
So there you have it..... there is the medical side of Timothy's story.... Now too move on next time too all the fun parts of my crazy life.......... thank you all for reading this it is really helpping me deal with the stress of it all i have been caring around for the past few years.....
VERY HEALING
Sunday, January 22, 2012
why i am here.....
Hello, not sure how the blog thing works. I am just goin to write and not over think what i am putting down here. So if it ends up horrible then I guess it does. The name my crazy life... as a mom.... came from no where. Besides my life is crazy and at times so am I. My children have a way of doing that to a person. Anyways yes I am a little crazy...
Tonight I am going too tell you a bit about my cute little family. There is my hubby, my prince charming. He is everything I have ever wanted. Then there is my daughter Sierra she is 11 in 4 days, and let me tell you she is reminding everyone every chance she gets. Then there is Timothy he is 2.... Timothy has Down's syndrome. He has change all of our lives in a way no one can really explane. He opened our eyes.
Hum i wonder where I should start, should I start with just his story? I think that is where I will start.
It took us awhile too get pregnant.... I would think i was buy a test and cry when it was negitive we did this for a little over a year. (We are a blended family so we had my daughter and his son at this time both living with us durning the school year.) So a couple months after the year mark I desided it wasnt going too ever happen and i should just be happy with what we already had our family was great the way it was. So I started school, with in a couple weeks of starting school I started feel crappy.
I had come too my parents house it was the 6th of Dec 2008, I was drinking a redbull (lol) and my mother told me i should out that down and go home and take another test. I told her i was done with all that, the saddness and let down. She told me she had the wierdest dream about "finding a crystal arrow in the dessert and me and her talking about me being pregnant." how she had looked at me in the dream and said, " this baby he is our special treasure." So she had convinced me i took a test, POSITIVE!!!!!! i took another, POSTIVE!!!!! by the time i was done i had takin 5 tests..... I called my husband who was out of town and working nights so he was asleep when i called... No answer damn it call again, and again, and again..... HE answered on the 10th call... "I am preganat!!!" We talked for a few mins. about silly things his fist words too me was "yay more diapers" lol . So the months go on we see ultra sounds of our baby boy..... We get offered an Ammnio but get told it could cause misscarriage and we werent in any kinda of "high risk" zone so it wasnt important that we get it..... yet again some more months go on...... finaly on July 23rd of 2009 we went in too see if his lung were develpoed enough for him too be born C-section (due too thats how my daughter was born) they find that there was no fluid left so they had too take he that day....YAY my son is comming into this world this perfect little boy..... My Doctor.... thats what i called him the whole time i was pregnant... little did we know what was going too happen in the hours and days too come....
So there i am strapped too the bed a big blue sheet blocking my veiw of my son coming out of me.
My husband by my side, in his surgical scruby thingys(lol) all i can see is he's eyes,
he looks worried.... we didnt know what was going too happen at 37 weeks his lungs could be fine or... not. So i hear the docs talking... blah blah blah.....
i hear them tell me they were taking him out.....
NO CRYING....... we wait my husbands eyes look like he isgoing too be sick....
THEN we hear OUR SONS CRY... the sound of his cry made us both cry too. They let me see him i give him a kiss oh he is the cutest baby ever!!!!!
they take the baby.... my husband stays with me... sence my mom was out waiting for our son too come out they take him too get him cleaned up.
They get my put back together... before they take me out of the OR.... they told em they took a look at the baby and the think he might have Down's syndrome..... WAIT WHAT???????
Whats that????? why would you say that????? where is my moment of just having my new baby.....?
My husband had too return too work..... So there i was alone with my mom and a few friends... i felt... scared, alone, confused, there is this little boy the more i looked at him the more i fell in love with him.... I didnt look at him and see anything wrong no matter how hard i tryed too see what the doctors saw i just saw this pefecrt baby with folded ears and my nose, and red little cheeks.... i finaly let them do the blood test.. after they told me if i was right there was nothing too worry about..... after 3 days they send us home... I was so scared at the hospital i had ppl all the time at home i was really alone with the thoughts that there could be something worng with my child. some thing i had never really heard of.... never sceen anyone with Down's never read about it.....I had NO CLUE what they were even talking about...... low small ears his ears looked like baby ears his nose..... it looked like mine..... almond shaped eyes..... umm yet again so are mine too me he just looked liek my baby..... i never saw any thing wrong with him ( and still dont, i mean i see the downs but nothing WRONG with him). So there i am day 4 after he was born hubby would be home the next day .... kids were out playing just me and Timothy..... he was sleeping.... then he looked a little blue colored...what is that... why would he..... he got more blue.... then i tryed too wake him up.....
Nothing..... I try harder i am flicking his feet rubbing his chest.... "omg is he dying?? WHAT do I do.... 9-1-1.... right i will hit call if this doesnt wake him up......" one last flick too his foot and he moved his little hands... he crys "OMG he is breathing he is ok..... what was that..". Ok pull it together i call the docs. I get him in the next morning..... There i set holding my little baby... my perfect scary little baby day 5.... the doc comes in..... "I was going too wait till his 7 day check up but sence you are having proiblems your son has downs syndrome and we think there might be something very wrong with his heart we have already made you an appointment with the ONLY pediatric heart specialist around here" ok yeah i am alone holding my perfect baby..... i realize i am sobbing...... WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we go too this doc... we talk about what all this means he was so great he explaned what down's is what we need too do and then he looked at Timothys tiny heart...... Two small holes nothing too be too worried about...... OK YAY good news....... Crap gota get hubby...... we go we meet him i tell him what is going on....... He hold me i cry and cry and cry......... where do we go from here?????
I will continue with the story next time...... but there is a little bit about my PERFECT son...... Timothy!!!!!!! :)
Tonight I am going too tell you a bit about my cute little family. There is my hubby, my prince charming. He is everything I have ever wanted. Then there is my daughter Sierra she is 11 in 4 days, and let me tell you she is reminding everyone every chance she gets. Then there is Timothy he is 2.... Timothy has Down's syndrome. He has change all of our lives in a way no one can really explane. He opened our eyes.
Hum i wonder where I should start, should I start with just his story? I think that is where I will start.
It took us awhile too get pregnant.... I would think i was buy a test and cry when it was negitive we did this for a little over a year. (We are a blended family so we had my daughter and his son at this time both living with us durning the school year.) So a couple months after the year mark I desided it wasnt going too ever happen and i should just be happy with what we already had our family was great the way it was. So I started school, with in a couple weeks of starting school I started feel crappy.
I had come too my parents house it was the 6th of Dec 2008, I was drinking a redbull (lol) and my mother told me i should out that down and go home and take another test. I told her i was done with all that, the saddness and let down. She told me she had the wierdest dream about "finding a crystal arrow in the dessert and me and her talking about me being pregnant." how she had looked at me in the dream and said, " this baby he is our special treasure." So she had convinced me i took a test, POSITIVE!!!!!! i took another, POSTIVE!!!!! by the time i was done i had takin 5 tests..... I called my husband who was out of town and working nights so he was asleep when i called... No answer damn it call again, and again, and again..... HE answered on the 10th call... "I am preganat!!!" We talked for a few mins. about silly things his fist words too me was "yay more diapers" lol . So the months go on we see ultra sounds of our baby boy..... We get offered an Ammnio but get told it could cause misscarriage and we werent in any kinda of "high risk" zone so it wasnt important that we get it..... yet again some more months go on...... finaly on July 23rd of 2009 we went in too see if his lung were develpoed enough for him too be born C-section (due too thats how my daughter was born) they find that there was no fluid left so they had too take he that day....YAY my son is comming into this world this perfect little boy..... My Doctor.... thats what i called him the whole time i was pregnant... little did we know what was going too happen in the hours and days too come....
So there i am strapped too the bed a big blue sheet blocking my veiw of my son coming out of me.
My husband by my side, in his surgical scruby thingys(lol) all i can see is he's eyes,
he looks worried.... we didnt know what was going too happen at 37 weeks his lungs could be fine or... not. So i hear the docs talking... blah blah blah.....
i hear them tell me they were taking him out.....
NO CRYING....... we wait my husbands eyes look like he isgoing too be sick....
THEN we hear OUR SONS CRY... the sound of his cry made us both cry too. They let me see him i give him a kiss oh he is the cutest baby ever!!!!!
they take the baby.... my husband stays with me... sence my mom was out waiting for our son too come out they take him too get him cleaned up.
They get my put back together... before they take me out of the OR.... they told em they took a look at the baby and the think he might have Down's syndrome..... WAIT WHAT???????
Whats that????? why would you say that????? where is my moment of just having my new baby.....?
My husband had too return too work..... So there i was alone with my mom and a few friends... i felt... scared, alone, confused, there is this little boy the more i looked at him the more i fell in love with him.... I didnt look at him and see anything wrong no matter how hard i tryed too see what the doctors saw i just saw this pefecrt baby with folded ears and my nose, and red little cheeks.... i finaly let them do the blood test.. after they told me if i was right there was nothing too worry about..... after 3 days they send us home... I was so scared at the hospital i had ppl all the time at home i was really alone with the thoughts that there could be something worng with my child. some thing i had never really heard of.... never sceen anyone with Down's never read about it.....I had NO CLUE what they were even talking about...... low small ears his ears looked like baby ears his nose..... it looked like mine..... almond shaped eyes..... umm yet again so are mine too me he just looked liek my baby..... i never saw any thing wrong with him ( and still dont, i mean i see the downs but nothing WRONG with him). So there i am day 4 after he was born hubby would be home the next day .... kids were out playing just me and Timothy..... he was sleeping.... then he looked a little blue colored...what is that... why would he..... he got more blue.... then i tryed too wake him up.....
Nothing..... I try harder i am flicking his feet rubbing his chest.... "omg is he dying?? WHAT do I do.... 9-1-1.... right i will hit call if this doesnt wake him up......" one last flick too his foot and he moved his little hands... he crys "OMG he is breathing he is ok..... what was that..". Ok pull it together i call the docs. I get him in the next morning..... There i set holding my little baby... my perfect scary little baby day 5.... the doc comes in..... "I was going too wait till his 7 day check up but sence you are having proiblems your son has downs syndrome and we think there might be something very wrong with his heart we have already made you an appointment with the ONLY pediatric heart specialist around here" ok yeah i am alone holding my perfect baby..... i realize i am sobbing...... WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we go too this doc... we talk about what all this means he was so great he explaned what down's is what we need too do and then he looked at Timothys tiny heart...... Two small holes nothing too be too worried about...... OK YAY good news....... Crap gota get hubby...... we go we meet him i tell him what is going on....... He hold me i cry and cry and cry......... where do we go from here?????
I will continue with the story next time...... but there is a little bit about my PERFECT son...... Timothy!!!!!!! :)
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